I swear…

Been reading these articles, and I swear if I hear the words ‘train’ or ‘allow’ or see one more instance of ‘purpose’ or ‘disciple’ used as a verb, I am going to hit something.

Sheltering Your Children

Basically this article is all about how laudable and necessary it is to ‘shelter’ one’s children, and goes on to list many potential ‘bad influences’ to keep from one’s children: other similar-aged children, church childrens’/youth programs, recreation that isn’t good ‘practice for real life’, ‘premature and unauthorized romance’, academic standardization, reading, fantasy (even CS Lewis), immodesty, secular music, radios, television.

Scriptural Romance

Explains how dating is foolish and courtship isn’t scripturally supported, and how ‘Biblical Betrothal’ is the only proper way to engage in romance, how we are to make an irrevocable commitment to marry someone BEFORE being in love with them (hoping love happens by the wedding), and how our marriages aren’t to be based on love, but in obedience to God.

10 Mistakes Homeschoolers Make

Quick overview without all the overly-fancy language, I present the top ten mistakes homeschoolers make, according to the article:

homeschooling for the purpose of superior education

‘exposing children to addictive peer-group activities’

overlooking gender roles by ‘allowing’ the mother to lead the homeschooling instead of acting as her husband’s ‘helper’ as he leads the homeschooling

conducting education formally instead of having the child follow the parent around presumably learning random things

focusing on outward appearance but neglecting the heart (ok, I’ve no problems with this one)

something about Biblical principles which I can’t follow well enough to comment on it

following scripture instead of ‘living with God in the spiritual realm’ (what?)

Isolationism (too right! unfortunately his other article screams ‘isolate your kids!’)

failing to direct one’s children, honoring them above Jesus, and allowing them to participate in youth group

being afraid of becoming ever-increasingly fringey crunchy or other weird stuff

Ultimately these articles, more than anything else, seem so fearful and sad.

 

‘the duggars don’t get paid’

The other day I asked my mother if she’s going to watch the Bates’ (a Quiverfull/CP family friends with the Duggars) and talk turned to them. She said something about how they don’t have as much money as the Duggars. I said ‘well, the Duggars before TLC’. She and my father immediately started again on how the Duggars don’t get paid for their show. They said that yes, TLC does reimburse them for certain expenses necessitated by the show (like, I don’t know, travel expenses?) but they are not making money off the show, that they do it to ‘be a witness to the culture’, that pretty much the only thing that they want from TLC is that the editors not edit out their ‘Christian’ beliefs. Ugh. I SO want to disprove them on that–there’s NO WAY the Duggars aren’t getting paid for the show.

And tonight there was a clue on Jeopardy about occurrences of whooping cough a couple years ago, and my mother said ‘probably ninety percent of the cases were in vaccinated people’.

Both times I (probably wisely) kept my mouth shut, because I don’t have any good data with which to challenge their beliefs on either count. I’m pretty sure that someone on Yahoo Answers saying ‘the Duggars get paid’ isn’t exactly relia ble data. But YA-type sites were all I could find on if they got paid. Arrgh, where is the REAL data?

As for them being so anti-vax, I don’t even…

dear diary

The other day my sister said something about how she doesn’t understand how people can fall in real love with someone they’re already attracted to. She says that physical attraction muddles things so much. While she has a point, people manage to fall in love both with and without initial physical attraction, and I said as much. An at least she didn’t seem to be judging anyone. I also reassured her that I do not profess to be in love with Nate. She seemed to like that.

dear diary

My brother just posted this: There is no basic right to force someone else to bear responsibility for your choices.

I wish I knew what to say to this. I don’t know if I agree anymore. I don’t know if I disagree. I think it’s about the employees’ health insurance providing birth control.

This is so screwed up

Ella opened up to me a little today about how my father’s announcement of May 21 affected her. Previously she’s only said she ‘doesn’t want to talk about it’. She confessed to me tonight that she really wished he hadn’t told her about the date, that it messed her up and terrified her. I hugged her and that’s how I felt too.

Now she’s even more terrified of death than ever, so much so that she desperately wishes to not get even a year older. She doesn’t want to turn another year older, doesn’t want to celebrate it, doesn’t want anything to change. She feels like everything is changing, what with the house being less filthy all the time, and Ruth having therapy appointments, and impending other care. She wishes our family could go back to being ‘normal’ (ie, the way they were pre-social worker. Little does she know about normal, but this is pretty much all she knows outside of books and her once-a-month socializing). All I could think of to say was to assure her one thing would never change and that would be my love for her, and that I’d always listen to her.

She’s really feeling the lack of a friend her own age. She feels bad about fighting with Leone so much and feels that makes them not best friends. I told her gently that the best of friends fight sometimes.

I’m trying to be a good big sister, listen and help, and I hope I’m doing the right things. I really hope her therapist (when the appointment comes–and it’s taken FAR TOO LONG to get her that appointment which is taking far too long to come) can help her.

dear diary

My therapist says I’m much more functional than I think, and that I came out of the May 21 trauma remarkably intact. She says I’m very strong and brave for reporting my parents, going to church, asking Nate out, giving him the letter. She helps me accept that my sister’s refusal to support my going to church and how she chooses to feel less loved because I want outside friends, is her problem and her issue, not mine.

I’m a little worried about Ruth. Last night we were sitting together and I started to have a strange feeling that something was wrong, so I told my mother. There was nothing I could really point to, but it felt like something was wrong with Ruth. This morning my mother said I was right–it was a problem Ruth has had before on a couple occasions. They’re going to take her to the doctor.

My family has unofficially taken in a neighbor boy, a friend of some of my brothers.  He would spend a lot of time over here over the past several months, but the last several weeks he’s been at our house almost all day every day it seems, even overnight. Some tell me he’s staying here while his bedroom is being refinished, others say that his parents kicked him out and he has nowhere to go. This is an interesting situation that I never thought our family would be in. He seems a nice boy and he helps cook and often shares the food he buys. He doesn’t seem to mind our strangeness, or the condition the house is in, or sharing a small bedroom with two other boys. I wonder where this will go.

Strange

It’s so strange and kind of funny. The church I’ve been going to would be considered fundy-light or even fundy (I’m not sure; it’s hard to tell where the line is) by some, but my father would describe it as very ‘liberal’.

dear diary

This is hard.

Last week I was talking the fight with my sister to my therapist, and how I didn’t know what I was going to continue to do regarding church attendance. She asked me what I wanted to do. I said I wanted to go to church. She told me ‘then go to church.’

So I went this morning. It was a hard decision. Knowing that going hurts my sister. I don’t want to hurt her, and it hurts me to hurt her. But not going would be to stifle a part of myself that I need to cultivate, not to mention leave most of my spiritual support. And I had a thought–I should NOT have to choose between hurting my sister and stifling my own growth.

It’s still hard though. After I got back, my sister posted ‘it’s sad when someone you care about becomes one of them.’ She still loves me but I’m becoming One of Them to her. An enemy of sorts, because whenever there’s an Us and Them, there’s a certain amount of enmity. I don’t want to be her enemy. This should NOT be happening!

She apologized a few days after our fight, which shocked me (she rarely apologizes) and showed me she loved me, and I forgave her immediately but that doesn’t mean her words haven’t stayed with me. She’s sorry but does that mean she takes back what she said? Does it mean that’s not how she feels anymore? Does she feel she still knows me? Does she want to know the new me?

 

dear diary

Yes, this therapist is going to be good. We’re going to do some good work. She says that not only do I have more power than I thought, I’m using the power–I’m seeing her. She says I’m much more functional than I give myself credit for. And she says that yes, my home is very dysfunctional and enmeshed.

I feel good

The day is beautiful and temperate, the sound of rain on trees is just outside my window, I had a good time taking Ruth to her therapy and then some lunch afterward since she’s still uncomfortable at therapy, being such new experiences and all.